To God and All

An apology is in order and I am the one who owes the apology.
I owe an apology to God and all who have hurt me.
For so long I have been bitter and hard hearted
Because of all the hardship I have endured
To only gain heartache, betrayal, and cheated of my dreams.
And yet for everything I have been so bitter about,
It was only possible for them to happen
By something being wrong within me to allow it.
And I am not totally innocent either.
I have played my role in my own heartaches.
This I have not denied at all.
However, I have been the one to make the decisions
That eventually caused the probability.

I have been most hurt by fellow Christians
Who have taken pleasure in my pain, inflicting that pain,
And carry on as though it is only Christlike to allow myself to be done so.
Yet I have a mouth to say, “No. That is not what Christ would have me do.”
I have the ability to say, “I’m sorry. Whether you agree or not,
Understand or not, I cannot do what you ask.”
I have the capability to stand up and say, “That hurts.”
And now that things are said and done,
And my once supportive friends leave me alone
To fight my battle and heal my own wounds,
I have the knowledge to know God cares and IS my Healer.
If anything, the paths in which I have been walking
Were going in just the direction God so designed,
Regardless of what others say.

I have always kept God first… even in the midst of my sinning.
My prayers have never ceased.
Decisions that were made and broke my heart to make,
Were done in following God and trusting Him,
That leading me away was for a purpose.
Though others may have been hurt and confused,
As I was in my obedient walk,
I obeyed my Lord and Savior and have no reason to regret.
There is much I don’t understand, but there is one thing I have never doubted…
God has been the one to lead me down these roads,
And walks with me all the way on each one.
And anything that happens along the way, builds me for Him.

Therefore I owe an apology to my Lord for complaining,
For crying, for doubting, for carrying guilt or regret in my decisions.
I owe an apology to all who hurt me for the bitterness I have carried toward you
For the roles in which God has set for me to endure.
The pain you have inflicted has been His teaching.
Your betrayal has been His moments to draw me closer to Him,
And for Him to draw closer to me.
These times have been times I have felt His stronghold.
I have gained strength that I am to share even with those who have hurt me.

Jesus died for all… including those who betrayed Him.
Who am I to think I deserve to understand why fellow Christians would betray me
When Jesus was betrayed by His very own disciples, His friends, His companions,
His community, His followers, the crowd, His church leaders,
And all that nailed Him to the cross to die?
That group would include me.
I was a part of the crowd.
I have played my role in betraying Him and yet He is not bitter toward me.
He is more loving and forgiving every day.
He picks me up and leads me through this wilderness of life.
He comforts my broken heart and renews my shattered dreams.
His heart’s desire is for you and I to love one another,
And rebuke one another when needed.

I extend my apology to all those who read this and let you know
I pray for you each.
I especially want to apologize to those whom were the guilty
In betraying me, hurting me, taking advantage of me,
And still thinking nothing wrong of it to this day…
I forgive you.
You could not have hurt me without my allowing you to.
And if standing up to someone was the cause of my pain,
Then there is nothing to regret.
Instead there is much to pray for on your behalf before the Lord.
I will be your love and support regardless, just as He is mine.
And if you hurt me or abuse my friendship, I will tell you
And not allow you to do so.
Instead I will draw our attention back to the cross
And the Friend who hung on it for you and I.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Even in the painful part…
Thank you for allowing my Lord to help me grow.
And Lord, my Father, I thank You for thinking of me
Enough to teach me, to protect me, and to stand up for me.
Thank You for never leaving me or thinking less of me.
I will try to think more of others and their pain
Whenever I am consumed with mine.
I love You.

6-18-2000 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: getting past the bitterness

For You, Mother

I love you, Mother.
I do not tell you often, but I do.
You are the woman who gave birth to me,
Who comforted me in the night,
Wiped my tears away,
And told me everything would be okay.

You are the woman who pleases my dad,
Who makes him happy,
And feels his void.
You make him smile.

A lady, you are, who has given me my siblings.
I thank GOD for you,
For I love my brothers and sisters,
Soul mates to grow with me,
And be on my side,
When mommy and daddy had to be a part
Of the grown up world.
Thank you for bearing them,
For bearing me,
For bearing to love us.
Thank GOD for my grandmother
Who did bear you,
And for all my motherly ancestors,
All the way back to Eve.

In special recognition, I thank the virgin Mary,
And praise GOD for her,
In deep love and appreciation for Jesus.
Surely no other mother could know the unselfish sacrificing,
For bearing a child, than Mary.
Jesus had the best.

My mother, I thank GOD again for you,
Simply because I mean it.
I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day.
May yours be as beautiful as your loving heart.

5-2-1994 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: My mother Brenda L. King
And grandmother Mary F. Lance
Two wonderful women! ❤

Before I Knew You or Loved You

God, my God, I love You.
Thank You for loving me.
I’ll never love anyone like I love You
… NEVER!!!
And I’m glad.
I’ve always loved You
And I always will.
Thank You for being there before I knew You,
And before I loved You.
I’m sorry I ever rejected You.
It was the worst mistake of my life.
The best thing was when I came to my senses
…and fell in love with You.

4-1994
Written by Gail Brookshire

Thank You!

Our Dear Heavenly Father,
Full of grace,
Thank You for this
Beautiful place.
Children laughing,
Forming such smiles.
Be with us as we
Walk those miles.
Keep us in Thy
Loving care.
Let us always
Know You’re there.
Amen.

12-3-1987 Thursday
Written by Gail Brookshire