Silently Inside

Pain has come and pain has gone.
It’s up and down as life goes on.
Unwelcomed tears, still they came.
You must obey the rules of the game.
No room for fear. Nowhere to hide.
You can only cry aloud silently inside.

The voice will fade. The pain will too.
You must learn to breathe it through.
Trust the one instructing you.
Only they know what to do.
Leave those closing eyes open wide.
You can cry aloud silently inside.

Caught within a world of fury.
Self made judge and jury.
So much noise within the silence.
Penned beneath the raging violence.
Muffled within the voice that tried.
I heard you cry aloud silently inside.

Wasted life upon the floor.
Her Savior shouts, “They’ll be no more!
The life I made. The life I love
Will take no more push and shove!
My child, you need no longer hide.
I heard you cry aloud silently inside.”

2-3-2019 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
“But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning:
for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.”

– Psalm 59:16 KJV

I FEAR

Lord, I carry so much fear.
I love and trust You,
But I fear my actions fail to say so.
I fear my testimony fails You…
Taints You…
Draws You unjust bias…
Undeserved blame.
I fear I disappoint You,
And I fear I discourage others.
I fear I ruin communications…
With me and You…
With others…
Sometimes even myself.
I fear being at the mercy of others,
Especially those who are cruel,
And those who cruelly laugh at me,
Laugh at my pain.
I fear that I hurt others.
I fear being forgotten.
I fear failing to leave the testimony
That You expect of me,
Hope of me…
For You.
I fear.

10-28-2017
Written by Gail Brookshire

My Soul Aches

My soul aches.
It cries for forgiveness.
It cries for compassion,
Understanding.
Yet how can anyone see my pain?
I hide it with a smile.
I joke to mask the evidence.
And my conduct speaks
Completely inaccurate
Of my testimony.
How can anyone know
The betrayal I regret?
How can anyone see my wish
To restore to You the honor?
What can anyone really do about it?
Including myself?
The only one who can see,
Who can know,
Who cares,
And can do anything about it
Is You, Oh Lord.
I pray for Your restoring power.

11-14-2003 Friday
Written by Gail Brookshire

My Silent Rage

You think so much of me.
You think me to be nice.
You do not know the rage I carry,
And how I pay the price.
But that has got to stop right now,
As I finally come of age.
Thirty years too late I stand,
I storm throughout the rage.
The pain, the lies, the deception and games.
I have been the fool.
But I am not willing to take that blame.
I’m breaking the number one rule.
Silence is not my friend
When it allows you to crush my spirit.
You can try to reason why it is,
But I refuse to even hear it.
You see me on the ground crawling for help,
My soul has been wrung out.
But Christ my Savior has lifted me,
And freed me of guilt and doubt.
The evil are the evil,
And have no other name.
Regardless of what is said,
I will not carry their shame.
Your help is not sincere.
Your deeds are not unseen.
I suggest you give your please to Christ
Before the final scene.

7-26-2000 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

My Silent Pain

Scream, scream
At the top of my lungs.
My silent pain
Imprisoned by my tongue.
Bang with my fists,
My anger outraged.
I’ve pretended too long.
Time to get off your stage.
Glare with a look
That shouts, “STOP!”
I do not let your bubble grow.
I gladly poke and pop!
Charades and lies,
It’s all the same,
As friends and lovers
Within hidden names.
I do not care
If you dance.
I only avoid
Any of your romance.
You offer me treasure.
You offer me pain.
I’ve been crazy long enough.
I’m no longer that sane.
Crawl, crawl,
You retreat with regret.
I tried to warn you.
Too bad you forget.

7.26.18 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Don’t worry about it. I don’t.
PS. Sometime when I feel anger, I choose to put in writing so that it can come and go, Lord willing, with no consequences.. Better to get it out that to let it bottle up. God taught me not to go to bed angry if possible. And along the way He has given my far more joy… in Him! 🙂

To God and All

An apology is in order and I am the one who owes the apology.
I owe an apology to God and all who have hurt me.
For so long I have been bitter and hard hearted
Because of all the hardship I have endured
To only gain heartache, betrayal, and cheated of my dreams.
And yet for everything I have been so bitter about,
It was only possible for them to happen
By something being wrong within me to allow it.
And I am not totally innocent either.
I have played my role in my own heartaches.
This I have not denied at all.
However, I have been the one to make the decisions
That eventually caused the probability.

I have been most hurt by fellow Christians
Who have taken pleasure in my pain, inflicting that pain,
And carry on as though it is only Christlike to allow myself to be done so.
Yet I have a mouth to say, “No. That is not what Christ would have me do.”
I have the ability to say, “I’m sorry. Whether you agree or not,
Understand or not, I cannot do what you ask.”
I have the capability to stand up and say, “That hurts.”
And now that things are said and done,
And my once supportive friends leave me alone
To fight my battle and heal my own wounds,
I have the knowledge to know God cares and IS my Healer.
If anything, the paths in which I have been walking
Were going in just the direction God so designed,
Regardless of what others say.

I have always kept God first… even in the midst of my sinning.
My prayers have never ceased.
Decisions that were made and broke my heart to make,
Were done in following God and trusting Him,
That leading me away was for a purpose.
Though others may have been hurt and confused,
As I was in my obedient walk,
I obeyed my Lord and Savior and have no reason to regret.
There is much I don’t understand, but there is one thing I have never doubted…
God has been the one to lead me down these roads,
And walks with me all the way on each one.
And anything that happens along the way, builds me for Him.

Therefore I owe an apology to my Lord for complaining,
For crying, for doubting, for carrying guilt or regret in my decisions.
I owe an apology to all who hurt me for the bitterness I have carried toward you
For the roles in which God has set for me to endure.
The pain you have inflicted has been His teaching.
Your betrayal has been His moments to draw me closer to Him,
And for Him to draw closer to me.
These times have been times I have felt His stronghold.
I have gained strength that I am to share even with those who have hurt me.

Jesus died for all… including those who betrayed Him.
Who am I to think I deserve to understand why fellow Christians would betray me
When Jesus was betrayed by His very own disciples, His friends, His companions,
His community, His followers, the crowd, His church leaders,
And all that nailed Him to the cross to die?
That group would include me.
I was a part of the crowd.
I have played my role in betraying Him and yet He is not bitter toward me.
He is more loving and forgiving every day.
He picks me up and leads me through this wilderness of life.
He comforts my broken heart and renews my shattered dreams.
His heart’s desire is for you and I to love one another,
And rebuke one another when needed.

I extend my apology to all those who read this and let you know
I pray for you each.
I especially want to apologize to those whom were the guilty
In betraying me, hurting me, taking advantage of me,
And still thinking nothing wrong of it to this day…
I forgive you.
You could not have hurt me without my allowing you to.
And if standing up to someone was the cause of my pain,
Then there is nothing to regret.
Instead there is much to pray for on your behalf before the Lord.
I will be your love and support regardless, just as He is mine.
And if you hurt me or abuse my friendship, I will tell you
And not allow you to do so.
Instead I will draw our attention back to the cross
And the Friend who hung on it for you and I.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
Even in the painful part…
Thank you for allowing my Lord to help me grow.
And Lord, my Father, I thank You for thinking of me
Enough to teach me, to protect me, and to stand up for me.
Thank You for never leaving me or thinking less of me.
I will try to think more of others and their pain
Whenever I am consumed with mine.
I love You.

6-18-2000 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: getting past the bitterness

God, I Still Cry!

God, I still cry.
I know it’s been awhile.
I know I can be strong.
I know You’re with me.
But I still cry.
I know all my friends care.
I know all are tired of my tears.
I know the pain will go away.
I know I will love again.
I know I am loved by many.
I know I am loved by You.
But I still cry.
Pain and memories that I have created myself,
The consequences of my sin,
The price of my disobedience.
A part of me that I will never forget.
That only You and I can know.
Yet the strength that makes me stronger.
But I still cry.
Maybe someday this heartache
Will not even be a memory.
Maybe someday I’ll completely forget.
I will even smile.
But till then I still cry.
And until I am with You,
From time to time,
There will always be a reason I still cry.

4-29-2000 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: My Lord and Savior!! My Father in Heaven!!