He’s Redeveloping My Negative Memories

Memories have been such a good thing to me,
Reminding me of loved ones I’ve shared time with.
But memories can be such a torturous event,
Tempting with sin, saying I won’t pay for it.
I had no desire for these desires that desire me,
But they visit for a moment to plead their case.
At first they’re wonderful but then I become ashamed.
I cannot do these things if I want to see Jesus’ face.
I know my life did not start out the greatest,
Certainly not the purest by any means,
But God made me live and brought me through,
And His Son’s blood says I am clean.
I know Satan wants to throw memories at me.
He was there to know what makes me weak.
But he was not there in my heart when Jesus came
And I said, I only want to hear you speak.”
Jesus gave me a whole new thinking process.
He has redeveloped the negatives in my mind.
He imprints permanent positives in my soul,
Making it easier to leave yesterday far behind.

5-15-03 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Committed To You

Committed to you, I am determined to cling to you.
Committed to you, I am determined to follow through.
Committed to you, I am determined to stay strong.
Committed to you, I am determined not to do you wrong.
Committed to you, I am determined to trust your bond.
Committed to you, I am determined to hang on.
Sometimes temptations are persistent,
but sometimes deceptive.
Just when I think I’ll no longer be tempted,
whoa I catch my breath and hang on.
I pray as I hold my breath,
Jesus, be my strength,
be my spirit,
be my everything.
Be… and be in me!

12-17-2002 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

That Bus

That bus… I lost all my innocence on that bus.
If only I had known where that bus was going.
But God and I both know where it was going.
I just didn’t realize what I was allowing myself to get into.
Sad fact is, I allowed myself to get into it.
How fast I ran back.
How sad I came back.
How nasty I crawled back.
And despite how far I ran
and how much I fled from my guilt,
the sin and shame
was all the same,
and despite the crowd
only I am to blame.
That bus… if only it were going back.
But I wouldn’t step near that bus if it were.
God help me and the girl on that bus.

7-2-01 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Hold Onto Me, Lord

I struggle God and only you can hear.
Only you care when I shed a tear.
Yet even then, you urge I prevail.
You must insist I cannot fail.
Yet when a failure I feel I must be,
You send an angel to comfort me.
Day after day escapes my life,
Yet you seem to enjoy my strife.
Just when the load is heaviest to bear,
I find you have taken what’s no longer there.
Hold onto me, Lord, as I’m so weak.
You are the only one who knows I seek.

6-12-01 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Calling on You, Lord

God, I call your name
filled with guilt and blame.
I ask to be drawn near
to let me feel you here.
I seek to know your peace.
I yearn for your sweet release.
My soul needs your protection.
To you I surrender subjection.
Searching to know all of you,
I ask that you search for me too.
Thank you for being by my side.
You know how hard I’ve tried.

2-10-01 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

You Are My Strength

He’s throwing away my papers.

Why? – I’m not sure.

But I’m not stopping him.

It’s just old letters to guys I wrote,

but never gave to them.

So in a way he’s doing something

I should have done a long time ago.,

but never had the strength to.

Thank you, son.

You may be only 2 years old

and not know what you’re doing,

but I love you for it.

You are my strength.

God is giving me the courage through you.

God does move in mysterious ways.

4-26-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Inspiration: My son Anthoni

I MISS THE LOVE

Sweet Jesus,
I miss the love we use to have. It brought me so close to you.
Yes, I know I still love you and never stopped.
And I know you know that.
But I also know you understand what I’m talking about.
I wish I could understand these new changes that I’ve went through.
I know they’ve all been meaningful and helped me to learn a lot,
but I often wonder why it was allowed
for our relationship to grow so far apart.
Not really our relationship apart because like I said,
I’ve always loved you.
But what could have possibly been so meaningful
that I needed to walk away from the obedience I tried so hard to get closer to?
I know I never became perfect or anywhere near,
but surely I was doing so much better then than I am now.
As least I walked in the thought of your love
instead of what I thought had come to make me happy.
God, you are what makes me happy.
Ecstatic.
Without you, I am miserable.
I’m nothing.
I can’t stand to be alive without you.

7-7-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Here I Go Again

God,
here I go again.
I asked for Your forgiveness
and now, I sin again.
What makes me think I have the right
to ask You to always care
if every time I’m going to run
just when You are there?
I want to live a life for You,
never running away,
but can’t even stay with You,
or find a word to say.
I’m trying to live my life by You
and hope the world will see
that even though I fall sometimes,
You’re still the world to me.

3-29-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

1991, The Year to Have and Learn

1991 was a good year for me,
even though there was just as much bad.
It brought to me the many friends,
as well as taking the ones I had.
It took so many lives of those
who were so loved by us all.
And even though their voices are gone,
I can still hear them call.
It was a year of helping others
and having loads of fun,
a time of many hard working days,
yet a time of lazy ones.

So many times I ran in fear
to someone in distress,
then turned around a little later
and gave my friends the best.
So many lights of friendship gone,
so many new and bright.
Once again, it was a year
to love and hate the light.
It was a year of touch and see,
a year of holding back.
For as many tears that built inside,
the concern was much to lack.

It was a year of seeing rock
come to awe my eyes.
For what the human eyes never saw,
it was more than a surprise.
Ninety-one was certainly long
and a whole new thing to learn.
For as many things that taught us to laugh,
many taught us to burn.
It was a year of meeting people
and accepting them for who they are.
Having a blast over anything,
and loving someone from afar.

It was a time to miss a lot,
as lives and events escaped.
They can never be replaced again,
but the future must be laid.
So all in all, as I can see for now
the year was a great success.
For as much as we wanted to live and learn,
we certainly don’t have any less.

12-31-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Note to God

God, First of all, Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday to your Son, Jesus! I’m glad today was a good day in the family of the Lances. We were incredibly warming today. You would think that the world should move in or make peace. Thank you for a wonderful family, Father. I couldn’t ask for a better one. There is no better, except yours of course.

Jesus, I must be honest with you. I was so frightened and still am. It was so horrifying when Anthoni Lance laid his head back and stopped crying or breathing. I was terrified that he was having another seizure.

Oh God, It really scared me. I can’t believe I freaked out like that. I could have lost my son. I am the worst mother. I am so incapable of taking care of him. He deserves better. He really does. He deserves God! He needs love. He needs the proper care, of someone reliable. I am totally irresponsible.

Love Gail

1-27-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
PS. I wrote this on a day when we had a family dinner at my grandmother’s house, and my little 8 month old boy was running through her house having such fun and laughing so hard when he fell. When I picked him up he limped back with his head and wasn’t breathing. I didn’t freak out outwardly, but inwardly I was instantly back a month or so when I had taken him into his doctor’s office for an uncontrollable fever.
While there he went limp, with his eyes rolling back in his head. When I stepped into the hall to yell for help, they took him from me into another room. At times the door would open and I could see his body seizing. They told me he was having a rheumatic fever seizure. They took him by ambulance to the hospital and would not allow me  to ride with him. He spent 2 days in ICU, and 4 days in the hospital. They never could figure out why, but he had to be given adult dosage Tylenol along with adult dosage Phenobarbital to get the fever and seizures under control. He was put on the Phenobarbital for a year. I was afraid this was another episode.
My grandmother immediately told me, “Gail, Shake him! He’s stopped breathing! You’ve gotta shake him!” So I did. And he started breathing. My grandmother told me that sometimes little children, especially babies laugh so hard they stop breathing. She said they needed shaking to help them. I felt so inadequate compared to my experienced grandmother. I would learn through the years through my own experience and witnessing others that it is a natural feeling from new parents, or in any crisis, especially when someone older or experienced new what to do during a life or death situation.

LIARS

**Please remember this was written when I was 19.
    I was a bit cynical and a lot attitude. **

I really don’t know what it is,
I sincerely long to write.
I only know I’m thinking of
men and their little lies.
They say they really love you so,
and they’d break down and cry.
That is how the romantic words
are molded into a lie.

“I’ll never want no one else,
You’re the only one I’ll ever need,”
Is what they’ll say to get their way,
so their ego they may feed.
“I’m never gonna let you go.
I’ll never love no other.”
How many times have you heard that,
when later they found another?

“I’d give my life to be with you.
I need you oh so much.”
When what they really wanted,
was just to feel your touch.
“I’ve never met a woman like you.
You’re truly one in a million.”
If you stop to count their lies,
you’ll find yourself in the billions.

“Let me shelter you with love.
I can make you happy.”
The next time I fall for one of the lies,
somebody, please slap me!
“I can love you like no one has.
What you need is a man.
I’m the one to show you love.
I’m the one who’ll understand.

No one’s ever made me feel the way
I feel when I’m with you.
You’re like wishing on a lucky star.
You know just what to do.
Everything you do is right.
You’re the one I’ve been searching for.
I want to give to you the love
Y
ou should’ve received before.

Let me take away the pain
I know you’re feeling inside.
Let me erase the many nights|
I know you’ve sat and cried.
If you’ll give me half a chance,,
I know I could change your world.
It would make me very happy,
if you would be my girl.”

Or better yet, don’t you love
the way they try for life,
by saying that if you’ll give in,
then they will make you their wife?
As if we don’t have enough
problems to worry about
than to put up with these liars
wanting us to put out.

Why don’t they take their little lies
and crawl back under their rocks?
If I find the key they use,
I’ll put their lies in locks.
How would they like it if we did them
the way they like to do?
They would probably jump at the chance
and enjoy every minute too.

One thing I’d like to say to those
who like to use their lies.
You may get your way first time around,
but hey Liar, there’s always room for goodbyes.

5-23-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Jealousy

Jealousy is a word a lot of people know of.
Jealousy of another friend or someone else’s love.
Things they want are not theirs. They wish that they were.
They find themselves saying I wish that I were her.
While all the time you have something they will never get,
and that is why you should be grateful to ever have it.
Those things you see them showing off are merely material things.
Do you really think you can live off gold and diamond rings?
They cannot buy you happiness if you value love,
so next time stop to analyze just what you’re jealous of.

8-7-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Reading Your Love Song

You have hidden heaven in my heart.
You make me homesick for You.
You are comforting my yearning soul
That wants to be in my true home.
You guide me with Your eye.
You whisper in my ear.
You speak to me in Your word.
Let those who will hear… hear.
How beautiful You speak to my spirit.
My heart and soul are delighted in You.
Touching the deepest of my darkness,
You lighten my shadowed way.
Continue Your love song for me,
O Lover of my soul.
I fall more and more for You,
Enjoying every breath of it.
Eagerly awaiting the next page,
I turn to read more of You.
There You go again,
Speaking of more love for me.

7-25-17 Tuesday, written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: God’s Word

Our Long Journey

What a long journey of mercy
You have walked me through.
What a long journey of grace
to have been blessed with You.
So many memories flood in,
I am overwhelmed with words.
You have seen me through
so many misery and hurts.
Yet nothing on my journeying
has compared to learning of You,
and Your wondrous love
shown in everything You do.
Those memories are Yours and mine.
Those treasures are all ours.
You have poured out Your blessings.
I’ve loved bathing in the showers.

2012 written by Gail Brookshire

Philippians Insight

If it is for the cause of Christ,
it is what it’s all about.
He is our assurance.
His peace erases all doubts.
Keep Him first,
and others before ourselves.
Be ready to stand alone.
Be ready to help.
Good and honest things
are all of good report.
Praise and worship to God
is what we are designed for.
Trust in Him,
and faith will bring peace.
Trusting in this peace
will never cease.

7-14-12 Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Philippians