Afraid, Yet I Do

Afraid to believe and yet I do.
I am so scared to believe in love, life, and people.
Yet I believe in the very God who made all three.
Afraid to trust and yet I do.
I am afraid to trust in anyone or anything,
Yet I trust in this God I cannot see.
I trust and love and believe
In someone I’ve never met.
Someone I’ve never held.
And yet I have give Him my life.
I make decisions according to His pleasure.
I strive to obey Him.
And when I wrong Him,
I am heartbroken and regret
Because I am saddened to know I grieve Him.
Trust, love, believe.
I am afraid of them all,
And yet I believe, love, and trust the very meaning of them all…
God!

1-14-2004 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

Stepping Stones

The first time I thought of myself as a SELF I guess,
Was when I first realized I had something to hide,
Be ashamed of,
And something to fear from someone else.
Knowing others could escape it, change it, or defeat it,
Was something to make me feel like I was all bad myself,
And by myself in a world of good and bad people.
But also somehow I knew I was not guilty,
Had no reason to be ashamed,
And that even though I feared it,
As soon as I grew up I would defeat it,
And never worry about it again.
But also, in a little way felt like I was the only one who knew
Why I had nothing to be ashamed of, or fear.
It was a great, wonderful miracle of GOD to discover the world agreed with me
Because when I grew up it made me feel so much better about myself,
And about the world and myself getting along.
Now I’ve learned to love myself and others,
Even more, the best things… Life and GOD.
Life was what I hated, and GOD I never knew.
Now they are my favorite inspirations,
My only hope for survival and eternity in love.

3-17-1994
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: assignment from Creative Writing Class, Spring 1994.
Taught by E.P.

GOD

A miraculous caring man.
One who will hold you and always understand.
For whatever you may do,
He will always be there for you.
Death may be the truth,
But it’s the only beginning of your new youth.
Find the Lord today,
And He will be with you all the way.

10-30-1989
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: A.D.D. challenged me to write this.

God Is #1

God,
I’m sorry. I miss writing to You.
I just get so tired from working,
doing Jaycee stuff,
and being a friend, lover,
mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter,
and anything else I may be requested of in life.
But You, God, You are still number 1 to me.
You will always come first.
The only reason I spend so much time with others
is because of the love I have for You
and the love You placed in my heart for others.
Good night, Sweet Jesus.
Help me to serve You.
Know that I love You.
Be with us all,
and I pray for everyone who needs a prayer.
In Sweet Jesus name, I pray.
Praise God!
Amen.

9-15-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

10 Things That I’m Thankful For

  1. That God does exists.
  2. That Jesus died for all.
  3. That Jesus is alive.
  4. That we can be forgiven.
  5. That God gave us love.
  6. That God gave us family & friends.
  7. That God gave us life.
  8. That God gave us Thanksgiving.
  9. That God brought the soldiers home.
  10. That we will all go to heaven soon.

11-28-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Thanksgiving Day of Nov.28, 1991
PS. T.W. challenged me to write this.

Note to God

God, First of all, Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday to your Son, Jesus! I’m glad today was a good day in the family of the Lances. We were incredibly warming today. You would think that the world should move in or make peace. Thank you for a wonderful family, Father. I couldn’t ask for a better one. There is no better, except yours of course.

Jesus, I must be honest with you. I was so frightened and still am. It was so horrifying when Anthoni Lance laid his head back and stopped crying or breathing. I was terrified that he was having another seizure.

Oh God, It really scared me. I can’t believe I freaked out like that. I could have lost my son. I am the worst mother. I am so incapable of taking care of him. He deserves better. He really does. He deserves God! He needs love. He needs the proper care, of someone reliable. I am totally irresponsible.

Love Gail

1-27-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
PS. I wrote this on a day when we had a family dinner at my grandmother’s house, and my little 8 month old boy was running through her house having such fun and laughing so hard when he fell. When I picked him up he limped back with his head and wasn’t breathing. I didn’t freak out outwardly, but inwardly I was instantly back a month or so when I had taken him into his doctor’s office for an uncontrollable fever.
While there he went limp, with his eyes rolling back in his head. When I stepped into the hall to yell for help, they took him from me into another room. At times the door would open and I could see his body seizing. They told me he was having a rheumatic fever seizure. They took him by ambulance to the hospital and would not allow me  to ride with him. He spent 2 days in ICU, and 4 days in the hospital. They never could figure out why, but he had to be given adult dosage Tylenol along with adult dosage Phenobarbital to get the fever and seizures under control. He was put on the Phenobarbital for a year. I was afraid this was another episode.
My grandmother immediately told me, “Gail, Shake him! He’s stopped breathing! You’ve gotta shake him!” So I did. And he started breathing. My grandmother told me that sometimes little children, especially babies laugh so hard they stop breathing. She said they needed shaking to help them. I felt so inadequate compared to my experienced grandmother. I would learn through the years through my own experience and witnessing others that it is a natural feeling from new parents, or in any crisis, especially when someone older or experienced new what to do during a life or death situation.

Our Long Journey

What a long journey of mercy
You have walked me through.
What a long journey of grace
to have been blessed with You.
So many memories flood in,
I am overwhelmed with words.
You have seen me through
so many misery and hurts.
Yet nothing on my journeying
has compared to learning of You,
and Your wondrous love
shown in everything You do.
Those memories are Yours and mine.
Those treasures are all ours.
You have poured out Your blessings.
I’ve loved bathing in the showers.

2012 written by Gail Brookshire