So Much Pain

It’s pain. So much pain.
It hurts so bad.
It can be cured,
The wait is what’s so sad.
We argue and fight,
Keeping our nerves on edge.
But for now it’s just pain.
It’s an agging wedge.
It’s so strong… the pain.
I can’t find a way to ease it.
Just to comfort the pain a little.
To try, is just to tease it.
It’s so hard to stop
The pain that’s persisting.
I beg for mercy or comfort,
But the pain keeps insisting.
Help. there’s got to be a way.
To stop the pain and make it go away.
It’s just so horrible.
It hurts so much.
The pain’s so hard,
My fists are clutched.
Please help me.
The pain is so intense.
I want to get up,
But my pain still wins.
It’s just an agony, a death it seems.
To steal my breath, to steal my screams.
It’s so alarming how I hurt.
But to try and smile, makes it worse.

8-18-1992 Tuesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
PS. God is my Healer! My Comfort!

Stressed Out

More and more and more complications.
My life is just so frustrating.
The more I try to hold on,
The more complicated the waiting.
Why must life be so hard?
Why must people complain?
If everyone loves the sun so much,
Then why make so much rain?
We are all losing so fast
To this world in a race.
The beauty of our youth and love
Is replaced with worry wrinkles on the face.
Someone please make this world easier.
It’s getting so hard to stay.
I know we’re supposed to be strong,
But it’s getting harder every day.
Maybe I will survive today.
Maybe I’ll survive this life.
But I sure wish it was easier,
And filled with a lot less strife.

7-24-1992 Friday
Written by Gail Brookshire
PS. God is my hero.

Eminent Rejections

Frosted warnings,
Evil mornings,
No one left too soon.
We were all at fault
For the inevitable fall,
Beneath the devious moon.
We allegate
The coming fate,
By allowing all the tears.
But never once
Ask for what
Could save the approaching years.
We specialize
In explaining lies,
Just for verification
Of the endless longing
For all our wronging.
We make the justification.
Well now have I
Found goodbye
To the one who taught me this.
I send to you
A wish or two,
To reject your eminent kiss.

7-9-1992 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

Maybe He’s Crying

Maybe he’s crying.
Maybe he’s actually sorry he did.
He never meant to hurt us.
The secret will always be hid.
He may have been in agony.
He may have been in pain.
Maybe he’s now down there crying.
Wishing he could be here again.
He may be wishing he could be here
To help those who need his love.
He may be in waiting,
To receive his wings from above.
He may be in wishful thinking.
He may be crying out.
But I’ll never know if he is,
Or what he’s crying about,
If he is in agony,
Or wishes that he were back.
Please let him know I love him so
And ask God to help him to relax.

6-17-1992 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: my cousin
I am so glad taught me about being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and the example of the thief on the cross beside Jesus that was assured he would be in paradise with Jesus that day. My cousin is safe with Jesus.

Love Driven Deep

Behind this window, this pane of glass.
It makes me wish I could shatter though and hold you.
If I had to cut through my flesh to get to you, I would.
If only it weren’t so in between us.
I can’t stand knowing a sheet of glass is the only thing within our way.
The only things keeping us apart.
Oh please, let’s shatter it and make a scar of love.
“Crash!”…I’ve shattered it now.
I never knew I would die from this piece
That just happened to cut right through my heart.
It pierced so hard and drove so deep.
I couldn’t even survive long enough to see you and touch your smile,
After going through such extreme to get to you.
What happened to love? Why didn’t it bring us together?
Love is supposed to save us.
Maybe it died when I went through the window,
As the jagged edge sheared my heart.
Is this what your love does to everyone you hold?

5-7-1991 Tuesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
God is my hero.

Challenged Hearts

Save a tear for me
And wipe away my blood.
Only through my broken window,
Can I escape the flood.
Reach to the sphere above,
And avoid the careless fall.
When you feel the agony,
Do not try to call.
Nails of sand beneath my feet
Touching those at war.
Could you survive the destiny
We all have seen before?
Walk away and taste the sweat
Falling forth to speak.
Do not try to overcome.
You will always be too weak!

3-8-1991 Friday
Written by Gail Brookshire
God is my hero.

A Writer’s Reservation

Who do I write to?
What do I write and why should I bother?
It’s not like it’s really all that important.
I should title it to God.
He cares.
And He’s always listening.
That’s what I like about God,
Even when I can’t talk or write,
He still hears what’s going on in my heart.
And as only He would know
That’s when I need someone to talk to most,
But am reluctant to talk.
And sometimes even convince myself
There’s nothing to talk about.

1-2-1991 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
God is my hero.

Out of Ink Heart

I don’t know what to write.
I have written for days.
Every time I start to write,
Thoughts get in the way.
So many things go through my mind
On what to write to you.
But I feel you wouldn’t care
And figure what good would it do.
No one knows how it makes a writer feel
To hear they write so well,
Yet can’t find anything to attract
The attention of one you want to tell.
It hurts to see you turn away
Before you give me a chance,
Or to flip through the pages,
Giving no more than a glance.
How can you understand what I feel
If you don’t even stop to listen?
For the worst is when it’s read and ignored,
As though there were something missing.
So why bother picking up the pen
To try to say a word,
When all it’ll do is bore you
And cause the author to get hurt?

12-26-1990 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire

FEELING DOWN

I feel so sad, and I don’t know why.
But I just know that I do.
It’s like somebody died.
Who? – I don’t know.
Why? – I don’t know.
Where? – I don’t know!
Being so depressed… it’s boring.
Being so bored… it’s depressing.
Yet it seems as though it would be useless to socialize.
I feel as though nothing could make me smile.
Like it would be one big terrible lie to even try.
I’m so sad. I don’t know why.
I only know that I am. I’m sorry.
But it is human too.

12-17-1990 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. – Psalm 34:18 KJV
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. – Psalm 51:17 KJV
For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. – Isaiah 57:15 KJV
For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the Lord: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word. – Isaiah 66:2 KJV

Unknowingly Sinful

Help, I’m walking away from God.
I need to turn back to the love I’ve forgot.
Please don’t let me lose my soul.
He’s the only one who cares, and the one to make me whole.
Help, God is coming back.
And when He’s gathering His children, I won’t be in the pack.
Please don’t let God overlook me. Don’t let Him turn away.
I have so much to confess, so much has gone astray.
God is all I’ve ever wanted, yet I’ve walked away.
Please don’t let me burn in hell, or lose on judgment day.
God, I’m sure, is upset with me knowing all I’ve done.
And no one else can take the blame, I am the guilty one.
Shameful and disgraceful too, the sins that I commit.
I need to kneel upon my knees and make myself admit.
There is no use denying it. The wrong is of my own.
I should’ve never walked away, but I had to run alone.
And now I’m running back to Him, asking for forgiveness.
Am I really worthy of it, His mercy and tenderness?
Oh won’t you help me talk to Him, or at least direct the way?
I want to be of God again and live the Godly way.

12-2-1990 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Thank You, God, for showing that I could never lose Your love.
Your mercies are new every morning, and endureth forever!
God is my hero.

Why Me?

You say You’re in love with me,
Even though I’ve sinned.
I don’t understand it.
Why do I always win?
You are the victory.
The one who pays the price.
So why is it always right for me
To make the sacrifice?
You give Your hand to me
To walk me through my fears,
Then allow me to turn away
And cause You shameful tears.
Why are you so proud of me
If I disgrace Your name?
I just don’t understand it.
It fills me full of shame.
Of all the souls who love You
And follow by Your laws,
You still choose to love me so,
Despite all my sinful flaws.

11-29-1990 Thursday
Written by Gail Brookshire
PS. I thank God for loving me faithfully and unconditionally.
He doesn’t love my sinful flaws, but He loves me despite them,
He does love the flaws I cannot control that are not sinful,
But He knows the difference better than anyone!
God is my hero!

(10) Ten Years

For so long… he wanted me.
For so long… he watched.
For so long… he followed.
And never once got lost.
Every breath I took,
He knew how deep I inhaled.
Every wink I made,
He knew the length in detail.
So many times… he dreamt of me.
So many times… he called.
But never once left his name,
Or even spoke after all.
Instead he waited for a night,
And followed me all the way home.
He let me go on in
To make sure that I was alone.
And instead of making me comfortable,
He only brought me tears.
And for what he had taken from me,
He only got 10 years.

11-29-1990 Thursday
Written by Gail Brookshire
God is my hero

The Reason

Sometimes it feels like the secrets I hide
Are the only things I have left to share,
And that when I confess them,
No one will have a reason to care.
It seems as though everyone is
Out to discover your memories,
Trying to understand your pain,
Believing they’ll fulfill your needs,
But every time you trust in one,
You’re soon betrayed.
And then they open the door
From which you friendship was made,
Soon again you’re left alone
With no one there to care.
And all your secrets are stolen,
Gaining more heartache to bear.
So when you ask me why it’s hard,
To open up to you,
It’s because i’m afraid to release
The memories I hold onto.

10-10-1990 Wednesday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: written for Carolyn’s book.
God is my hero.

 

Suddenly, So Incomplete

Suddenly, I feel a loss.
A loss of something special.
Someone special.
Someone who use to live and laugh,
Laugh and love.
Someone who use to believe in wishes
And dreams coming true.
Prayers being answered.
Letters being sentimental.
Hope being valuable.
Someone who use to spend day and night
Praying and wishing that
Their dreams would come true
And hoped the letters would
Be the key to their romance.
Someone that I miss so very much
And wish that I could know again.
Someone whom I suddenly want to
Rescue from dying.
Dying inside.
I want to believe in her again.
In love.
But suddenly, I feel so incomplete.

10-1-1990 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire
PS. God is my hero! He makes me complete! ❤

Living An Eternal Burn

Amazing, how self-centered I am
To think of how I hurt
When really what I should worry about
Is living an eternal burn.
Only God can bring me happiness.
Only God can save my life.
Yet all I’ve ever worried about
Is having to be someone’s wife.
If I would open up my heart
And let Him melt the ice,
I could feel the love He gives
And stop paying the price.

9-30-1990 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
God is my hero.