**The following is a short story I wrote for a Creative Writing class while taking summer classes in college. It was just for fun, and although I had no idea the class and professor would love it so much and publish it, I share it now with you and hope it brings you a laugh as well.**
WTCR (The Competitor Rocks)
“Ida! Ida! IIIIIIIdaaa!” Laura was screaming across the field, covered with a crowd of faithful listeners of the Competitor. Oh, forgive me, the unchallenged competitor, as the sweeper reads.
“What?!” cried Ida in search of the voice paging her name. “Who’s calling me?”
Laura Jamerson, a small girl, with shoulder length dark hair, waving both hands in the air, back and forth, cried, “Me, Woman! It’s Laura right here in front of you.”
Ida Ford, a perky young woman, with long curly dark brown hair, stood looking right at Laura.
“Oh there you are! Is this a crowd or what?!” Ida shouted while trying to get around a couple of young adults.
“This isn’t a crowd. This is a mob waiting to happen!” exclaimed Laura.
“What have we offered these people? Are we giving something away? Is Elvis Presley coming back in the next hour? What is the occasion?” questioned Ida.
“It’s the battle of the bands,” Laura informed. “We’ve got about a hundred entries. It’s going to take days to get this done and we didn’t expect to be here past midnight. We only expected maybe 20 bands. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“A hundred entries?!” exclaimed Ida. “How are we going to find a winner before midnight? And what encouraged all the others to show up?”
“Well, it might have had something to do with Aerosmith selecting the winner, to travel as the opening band for their upcoming tour.” said Laura.
“AEROSMITH?!” Ida said in astonishment. “How did we pull that off?”
Laura explained, “While you were on vacation for the last two weeks, Glen and Skip had been walking around here with grins on their faces, as though they knew who had put the worms in the teacher’s top desk drawer. None of us had a clue that they were up to something like this, especially since it was Eddie Mann who had started the battle of the bands. Anyway, two days before the concert they informed the staff and the public that Aerosmith would be selecting the final winner to travel as their opening act on their upcoming Black Water Tour. They told our staff that they had withheld the information to keep the groupies away and to encourage bands to try on their own with no pressure. When the news came in that this would be the final night, tons of bands flowed in. we tried to explain that we haven’t taken applications since the semi-finals. As you can see, they didn’t care.”
Ida had listened very intently to Laura as she watched three young men in front of her, banging their heads with guitars and screaming, “ROCK!! ROCK!! ROCK THE COMPETITOR!! THERE IS NO OTHER!!” On the front of their black tee-shirts was written the Mariners, in orange letters, streaked in lightning form. As they turned around together to do a strange dance, she noticed on the back of each shirt was a name… Dewayne, Roy, and David. As Ida came to her senses after being taken by such surprise, she said to Laura, “Well, if we’re not taking anymore applications, we have nothing to worry about. Just listen to the finalists, let Steven Tyler pick his group, and tell everybody good night.”
“Uh, that’s not so easy thanks to Mr. Steven Tyler’s interview last night on Skip Arthur’s show.” Laura said in a sarcastic manner.
“What do you mean?” Ida asked.
“Oh, I forgot that part.” Laura said. “Glenn Powers brought Steven Tyler over from the Rest and Relax Hotel International, you know, that place where a lot of our listeners work and tell us it should be called The Everybody Knows Everybody’s Business Shack? Anyway, they interviewed Steven on Skip’s show. When a listener called in and asked if Steven would set it up to hear his band, Steven made the comment that he would listen to anybody who wanted to play a few keys for him. This morning we were overwhelmed with applicants, and our new secretary Pattie Hunter, who just happens to be blonde, decided to take them all, and led all the bands to believe they would compete in the contest today.”
As Laura finished her sentence, while she and Ida were making their way through the crowd, to the front, right near the stage were two young men… one tall, heavy, and smiling a cheesy grin, and the other slightly smaller, with a skinny feature, both eying them.
“Uh uh uh uh uh. What’s up dudettes?” the tall one uttered with a Beavis and Butthead laugh. “Lookin’ for some cool dudes like us?”
“Yeah,” smirked the smaller one. “We got the beer and motel money. Wanna swing on over to the Rest and Relax Hotel and… uh.. “rest”… and… “relax”? Let’s swing, babes.”
Laura and Ida just looked at each other with disgust and walked away. The two young guys were shouting something at them, but they couldn’t hear what as they got closer to the stage.
Just as they got to the stage, the crowd became a mob as they screamed to the top of their lungs, and about crushed Laura and Ida when they went stir crazy. Then a voice was carried across the field, as a man with long stringy hair came to the microphone. It was Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.
“Alright! Alright! Alright! Listen up you guys! I’ve got some news! We’re going to begin the battle of the bands, but we’re only going to listen to the bands who had already made it to the finals. The rest of you guys either have to go home or be the audience.”
Boos and mad shouts of anger came from everywhere.
“You haven’t even heard my girls play, man!” exclaimed a long haired hippy looking chick, with a bandana around her head reading Rhonda.
“I’m sorry, girls,” said Steven. “The girl in the office made a mistake by taking your applications. We can’t put this off on the people from WTCR after they’ve worked so hard to put this together.”
“But my girls wanna play for you, and you said you’d listen to anyone who played a few keys.” the girl screamed back as she pointed at the short brown haired, slightly chunky girl, who struck her guitar and made the awfullest noise.
“Look, Sweetheart,” said Tyler, “What are your girls’ names?”
“Rhonda,” she said putting both her hands on her shoulders. “Sandra,” pointing back at the guitar. “Anita,” directing attention to a girl with black hair, but red roots to her forehead, “and last but certainly not least, Gail,” as another short dark haired girl threw up her drum stick to wave.
“Well look, Rhonda, Sandra, Anita, and Gail, we don’t have time to hear you play, but if you stick around and sneak around back, we’ll have plenty of time to play for you and maybe even with you.”
Ugly language and vulgar insinuations were made to Steven by the very upset girls. However, Rhonda and Gail went ahead and snuck around back and started talking with Aerosmith’s guitarist Joe Perry.
Luckily, the crowd started dying out. About half the mob left. As Steven Tyler stood back talking with two men in suits, Laura and Ida rested on the side of the stage.
“Boy, that was much easier than I expected,” sighed Laura. “Those people were nuts.”
“They looked pretty mad to me,” stated Ida. “It’s a wonder they didn’t start a riot.”
Suddenly, one of the suited men, with short curly light brown hair and glasses came to the microphone. He was holding a clipboard.
“Excuse me, people. Listen, I’m Glenn Powers with WTCR, and Steven and I are ready to get this show on the road, and I do men for one of you tonight, to be on the road… with AEROSMITH!!”
The crowd exploded with excitement. Music blended in the air. Then the suited man again lifted his hands and introduced the first band, The TOE GIRPPERS. They went through 15 bands to be exact, as 5 failed to show. There was a large group called The Ozone Plug, another group Five After Four, and other groups like Thighsmackers, Dogs Bite, Annie Oakley Waving, and a band of two young men that looked very familiar to Ida and Laura, called Charlie and Charlie.
After hours of loud music and annoying personalities, WTCR and Aerosmith had chosen three bands for Steven Tyler to select his opening act. 3rd place went to Dogs Bite, a two man band who were Tim and Nathan Potts. 2nd place went to Ozone Plug, which consisted of Tony Bigsby, Larry Bird, Tony Knight, John Cook, Ric Rowens, and their lead singer Tracie Rowens. 1st place, believe it or not, was the same Beavis and Butthead clones that had drooled all over Ida and Laura. The band called Charlie and Charlie.
As Steven Tyler congratulated the winners and thanked everyone for coming and trying out, Charlie and Charlie winked and made vulgar notions with their tongues at Laura. She quickly turned and grabbed Ida.
“Let’s get outta here while we can. The show’s over, the winner has been chosen. Let’s get a drink before we become the trophies.”
Ida looked at Laura with a puzzled concern on her face. “What are you talking about?” asked Ida. Just then she saw Beavis and Butthead coming their way. “Oh, never mind. I’m right behind you.”
“Uh, excuse me, young man.” Laura said to the stage hand beside her. “Could you distract those two young boys while my friend and I get away? We don’t want them to see what we drive.”
“You bet, Miss Jamerson. I love you and Mrs. Ford. I listen to your shows all the time. Ernie was put here to be your bodyguard. You go wherever it is you need to go. I’ll take care of those guys.” Ernie Tucker, a 6 ft. 3’, husky, grey haired man smiled.
“Thank you, Ernie.” the girls said together while running across the field. “We won’t forget you!” they screamed.
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Tired of missing out on my friends and family while doing summer college classes, so I started blending assignments and familiar names. Everyone loved it! It was a hott to see their face and hear their laughs.