How Dare You!

How dare you show me life only to dangle it in front of me.
How dare you steal the time from me that you complain about.
I am so filled with anger at your insensitivity and rudeness.
You only care that life has not yet taken me out.
You preach and pretend to seek what’s best,
But it’s only if what’s convenient for you.
If it doesn’t fit your protocol, timing, or understanding,
You give up and I am through.
You cruel and selfish degree.
You rob life and health from me.
It’s easy to blame someone else
For what you can’t or won’t help.
Your patience, your time, even your passion
Are no match for my anxiety against your compassion.
How dare you show me life.
How dare you dangle it in front of the dying.
What do you care at the end of the day,
As long as you don’t have to see me crying?
Well you’ll get your wish soon enough.
Death will show it’s stronger than you.
Then back to life you go, as I disappear.
Isn’t that what you always do?

12-15-16 written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: One of my doctors

Anxiety Fears

Afraid of Fear.
Afraid of Life.
Afraid of Confrontation.
Afraid of Strife.
Afraid of Loneliness.
Afraid of Crowds.
Afraid of Silence.
Afraid of Being Loud.
Afraid of Self.
Afraid of Others.
Afraid of Someone.
Afraid of Another.
Afraid of Weakness.
Afraid of Strength.
Afraid of Brevity.
Afraid of Length.
Afraid of Dying.
Afraid of Surviving.
Afraid of Relapsing.
Afraid of Reviving.
Afraid of Life.
Afraid of Fear.
Afraid of Making it
One more year.

6-2-15 Tuesday written by Gail Brookshire
What my anxiety can be like.

Hanging On While Slipping Away

Hanging on while slipping away,
it’s getting harder every day to stay.
My mind is losing its knowhow.
How long before I forget what’s now?
My tongue betrays my brain,
making it pointless to explain.
I err in speech and get lost in thought.
I say things I shouldn’t and don’t know what I ought.
Every day steals more and more of me.
Though I’m fighting, I just can’t flee.
All my life I’ve had to fight
to get others to believe I strive to do right,
or even just to believe my words.
They will abandon what can’t be heard.
Oh God my Lord most precious of all,
is this how I was to live my call?
I pray I did not waste time
or deserve this fate of mine.
I’ll cling to Jesus who suffered too
despite the fact He lived so true.

9-24-11 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Apparently, my neurological battle affecting my mental health has been going on longer than I remembered. Thank you, Jesus, for using the very words you gave me to choose to cling to you then, for encouraging me to keep fighting the good fight now! You are fully aware of my enemies, and my weaknesses! If anyone understands physical challenges, it’s You! ❤ You had a pretty good fight of your own! 😦