Agony Over the Eagle

There’s a pain of agony that just can’t be understood,
When a teenager takes a shotgun
and blows it through his mouth and out his ear.
No one can explain the tragic event,
Or know what he was thinking.
All we can know is that it happened.
And when it did it took the one we loved so much.
I don’t know why he did it, but I wish I could take it back.
I wish it was just a nightmare,
A nightmare that no one can bring to reality.
Why did it have to be my cousin?
He was so young and loved.
What could he have possibly been thinking
When he pulled that trigger?
He was so optimistic and had plenty of friends and family,
A beautiful fiance,
and so much that you would have thought he was happy.
But maybe he wasn’t.
It’s so hard to explain a heartache,
And a heartache is hard to handle.
Maybe he just couldn’t handle what he couldn’t explain.
I don’t know.
I just know I love him and miss him so much.
Please give him back.
Forever in agony over the eagle.

2-24-1992 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Dean. I love you!

Stolen of Breath

If I could change life,
there would be no death.
What is the sense of living,
if you’re soon stolen of breath?
Life is such a coy thing
with the way it likes to play.
Why does it look to be so cruel
by taking people away?
I don’t understand it.
I guess I never will.
To fall in love and die someday
can be the final kill.
So won’t you try to analyze
the results of even trying.
There’s no use in living
when we’re already dying.

9-19-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
PS. This was written years ago from the hurt of so much loss. Especially the loss of my cousin Dean, who was just 19 and died a week before graduating high school.

One Last Shot

For so many months now,

I’ve denied you were even gone.

I can’t believe it’s really true,

or understand what went on.

No one knows the mystery

you’ve taken to the grave.

What made you find the guts to do

something that’s really brave?

Well, I guess I’ll never really know

just what it was that took

a beautiful caring young man

and made him go for the hook.

Within the night he took a shot

at giving one last breath.

But unfortunately fate erupted

and brought to him his death.

What will ever stop the agony

that fills a heart like his?

I wish I knew a way to change

the reality that exists.

 

11-23-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

Inspiration: Dean

If Someone Dies

If someone dies and their soul is taken by the evil world,
can that person come to their family and friends,
who are religious, in a good dream or way?
I mean their soul is evil or bad, because they must go to hell,
does this mean that the only way you can see them is through evilness?
Will this loved one or friend be used against
their religious family and friends to bring them to hell?
Will Satan try to use them to get his way with their souls?
I just wonder because of Dean.
I’m not saying he went to hell.
I’m scared because I don’t know.
It could be either way.
How do we know?
We’re not God.
We just have to have faith in God
and make sure we want heaven,
no matter where he went to.

7-9-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Inspiration: Our family was discussed this topic upon Dean’s death because we had been taught anyone committing suicide goes to hell. I was confused myself then. In the last 27 of growing in the Lord and His word since, the Lord instructs me that we are not God and do not know if someone asks God to forgive them just before they commit suicide, or at anytime in the process. If I am unable to guarantee 100% that someone made it to heaven (which I cannot do since I am not God) then I cannot rule 100% that they did not.
Regardless of where a person lives in eternity, God’s word tells us not to have anything to do with familiar spirits, so I do not believe God uses or allows spirits to return to haunt us.

I MISS THE LOVE

Sweet Jesus,
I miss the love we use to have. It brought me so close to you.
Yes, I know I still love you and never stopped.
And I know you know that.
But I also know you understand what I’m talking about.
I wish I could understand these new changes that I’ve went through.
I know they’ve all been meaningful and helped me to learn a lot,
but I often wonder why it was allowed
for our relationship to grow so far apart.
Not really our relationship apart because like I said,
I’ve always loved you.
But what could have possibly been so meaningful
that I needed to walk away from the obedience I tried so hard to get closer to?
I know I never became perfect or anywhere near,
but surely I was doing so much better then than I am now.
As least I walked in the thought of your love
instead of what I thought had come to make me happy.
God, you are what makes me happy.
Ecstatic.
Without you, I am miserable.
I’m nothing.
I can’t stand to be alive without you.

7-7-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

He’s Dead and Gone

He’s gone and no one could bring him back.
He’s dead and life is all he lacks.
Why can’t we give him the breath to reawaken now?
I know we could do it if we could just figure out how.
Why is it so hard to discover the secret of death?
If we could conquer it, we could give him breath.

10-6-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)

God, It Hurts

God, it hurts

    to know I’ll never see him again,

    to know he’ll never come back.

God, please give him back.

Make it like it never happened.

Please. Please.

    It just has to be a dream.

 

No, I know God.

    Dean is better off now.

    He’s not suffering or hurting.

    He’s gone. He’s finally at rest.

Please take care of him.

And God, I still love you.

    It may hurt, but God

 

life on earth will always be hard

    and painful a lot times.

    Just please don’t leave us.

    Please be real.

I KNOW YOU ARE.

I just love you so much.

    In Sweet Jesus name I pray.

         Amen.

 

6-26-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Inspiration: my dear cousin Dean