God, Please Don’t Break My Heart Again

God, please don’t break my heart again.
I can’t take anymore heartache.
My tears are so exhausting.
You promise me peace if I walk with You.
You tell me if I am to be with someone to date a Christian,
Yet none of Your Christians feel I am worthy of them.
You say they love unconditionally, but they are so judgmental.
I cannot live up to their expectations.
They expect more from me than You do.
What do I do to do what You want me to do?
How do I stay faithful in dating a Christian, if Christians are looking for a goddess?
How do I find a man who loves You more,
If he would rather I do everything “he” loves me to do for You?
Oh God, I do need someone.
I had already confessed that when You broke me
Of fighting love and being close to someone.
Why must I search for something I find hard to exist?
Why must I try to come across as something that everyone claims they’re looking for,
But keep overlooking because they are looking for someone else?
God, if You have someone for me, why can’t we be together?
Why can’t we just be friends at least?
Can’t we have some idea that we are meant for each other?
I just can’t hide this holding on for someone who doesn’t seem to want to hold me.
You said not to be with someone unless I am married.
How can it be wrong to marry someone I love?
You create love.
And why should I listen to these Christian men telling me not to marry a non-Christian
When they refuse to marry “less” than perfect?
If they care so much for my soul, and think I am so worthy of a man of God,
Then why can’t they be man enough to marry me?
Why would I not be an honor to marry?
If I am of God and so inspiring, what is their hesitation?
I’m not sure, God.
Maybe it is my problem somehow. Maybe it is “our” problem.
But I know if I leave it with You that You will see me through.
I just beg of You… please don’t break my heart anymore.
I’m so tired. Just so tired of crying.
I want to share a love of God with someone.

5-2-1998 Saturday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: The struggle of a Christian single.
I still had a couple of more relationships to go through before God finally got through to me that He wanted time alone with me to fix all of the junk I had in my head…
About dating, Christian dating, love, relationships, and simply trusting Him. It’s been 15 years since my last relationship, but God knew I needed every year. I am so thankful. He is the best relationship I have ever had. He is worth trusting to show me who HE has for me, not who I have to find. He is worth being alone with and for!

Sharing Love Is Sharing God

Yes, I am a woman in love with a man.

But there is a man with whom I have been in love with for so long,

That I could never walk away.

No, He doesn’t say we could never be together.

Yes, even God allows and gives love.

But if I can’t even share love with a man,

How could I ever share God with him?

To love me is to want me,

To want to show me love,

To want to be there with me as much as possible,

Even if it’s just to look each other in the eye.

There should not be any problems with a woman

Wanting to trust a man she’s in love with.

But how can she show trust for a man she’s never allowed to be with?

Unless they are together, the man can never know her loyalty,

Her dedication, how faithful she is.

He can never see and appreciate the faithfulness she holds and defends

For a God she’s never seen.

He can never hold her and tell her how much he loves her,

And see that such a person is exactly what he wants.

And how can she accept him,

If she cannot even give anything of herself to him?

Love is a precious thing,

But it’s more fragile and priceless than one could ever know.

And if love can’t be shared between two people,

How could they ever share God?

After all, God is love.


1-25-1998 Sunday
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: Conversation with a friend asking me for advice on a relationship she was having with someone who would get upset if she showed up without calling, upset if she called without it being planned, and required every date (including hanging out at his house) to be preplanned (or more like scheduled in).