More Christlike Than I Know

Dear Jesus, I am so sorry.
I realize that I forget so much how we are so alike.
I am so consumed with “trying” to be Christlike and occasionally failing to live up to it,
More like quite frequently,
That I forget that we are already so much a part of each other and so very alike.
Who else understands what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you love,
Someone that you would lay down your life for, and have even told them you would,
And they still reject you, hurt you, lash out at you, so cruelly?
Jesus, You did lay down Your life for who You loved.
They have been told by Your very words, and they still reject and make fun of You.

I have felt so hurt and alone over being betrayed and rejected by someone I love.
We had a long beautiful relationship, and yet he can easily be so cruel and mean,
As though I were never worth loving and like he’s ashamed he ever did.
It makes me feel so low about myself.
It makes me feel like I was a waste of time and a secret mistake to be kept hidden
When just weeks ago I was the one he wanted to share his life and kids with.
Now he even denies those words were ever spoken.
How cruel a man can be.
Does he not realize how much that hurts?
Does he not realize how little that leaves me strength to go on?

I thank God I rely on the Lord for my strength because, Jesus,
You and Your Father know all too well what it is like to be betrayed and even denied
By someone You have been so close to, loved, and shared so much life with.
Peter swore he would never deny You and he did three times in one day,
Especially at a time he knew You were going to be hurt physically.
Just hours earlier he had cut off the soldier’s ear who tried to arrest You,
And was hurt they took You away.
He knew You were going to die, yet he added the agony of knowing
Someone You loved and had loved You betrayed You and denied You.
He knew You would die with those being the last words You heard from him.

I just pray that they one I loved and was betrayed by has some remorse later as Peter did.
It would be nice if he could tell me himself that he is sorry he hurt me,
And actually meant it as Peter did with You.
But, Jesus, I am not going to worry about that.
Instead, I continue to pray about that.
That is what You did, and instructed us to do…
Pray for our enemies and those that hurt us.
I truly hope he gives his life and love to You because I know You loved him too.
You died for him as well.
That’s what I love about You, Jesus.
You are so loving that not only do I not have to worry about You leaving me,
Betraying me, denying me, or taking back Your love,
But I know that You love my friends, family, enemies, and strangers I never met.
No matter what I am doing or how selfish I can be,
You are still looking out for everyone.

You are someone that I can count on more than anybody else for anything.
Thank You for being like that.
I love You for being You.
I pray I never betray You or deny You.
I can’t make promises because I’m stuck here on earth,
In this humanly sinful body.
But I do love You with all of my soul and that is what You died for to save.
It is all Yours.
I thank You for Your love.
Your Father is such a blessing to me.
Your Comforter is of great comfort to me.
The Trinity is the greatest love I have ever known.

Thank You for allowing me to be so much like You,
And thank You for the comfort of knowing that You are so much like me.
You suffered this earthly world too.
Thank God for the wonder of knowing that we are made in the image of God,
By His very own breath of life.
It allows us to know we are one with Him as well.
What a wonderful family I have.
What wonderful friends I have in love.
Praise God.

10-5-98 Monday
Written by Gail Brookshire

I Don’t Believe

I don’t believe I’m always longing
for love…
when I don’t believe anyone does.

I don’t believe I’m always wanting
to care…
when I don’t believe anyone can.

I don’t believe I’m always having
when I don’t believe they happen.

I don’t believe I’m always making
when I don’t believe they come true.

I don’t believe I’m always searching
for happiness…
when I don’t believe I’ll find it.

I don’t believe I’m always willing
to share…
when I don’t believe it matters.

I don’t believe I’m always thinking of
when I don’t believe it works.

I don’t believe I’m always saying
when I don’t believe it lasts.

I don’t believe I’ve always thought
I was fair…
when I don’t believe I am.

When it comes to believing in
something or someone…
I don’t believe I do.

5-14-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
My 1st Mother’s Day as a Mom 🙂

In Every Way

Here I sit so tongue-tied,
looking for words that want to hide.
I’m trying to say how much I care,
and that I’m scared to let you share
my feelings that I have for you.
I just don’t know what to do.
I have to let you know somehow,
if I want this feeling out.
What would you say if you knew?
Would you say that we are through?
I’m so afraid you’ll say good-bye,
and that is when I will die.
Oh how do I put these fragile words
in a way that they will work?
I cannot find a way to say,
“I love you, Baby, in every way.”

5-13-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Anthoni’s 1st bday

He’s So! – Divorced

He’s so amazing,
my caring man.
He’s so warming.
He seems to understand.
He’s so thoughtful.
He did what he could.
He’s so charming.
I misunderstood.
He’s so loving.
I’m living the ache.
He’s so romantic.
What a bad mistake.
He’s so generous.
Could he be forgiving?
He’s so strong.
In his memory I’m living.
He’s so careful.
I use to be his wife.
He’s so sensitive.
I need him in my life.
He’s so understanding.
His departure hurts.
He’s so destroyed,
so why are we divorced?

5-13-89 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)
Anthoni’s 1st bday 🙂

Chances Are

If I grew
to care for you,
chances are – you’d leave.
And if I tried
not to hide,
chances are – I’d bleed.
If I dared
to let you share,
chances are – I’d lose.
And if I wished
it’s me you missed,
chances are – no use.
If you wonder
if I ponder,
chances are – I do.
And if you pray
for a way,
chances are – I love you.

5-13-89 Written by Gail Brookshire (by the grace of God)
Anthoni’s 1st bday 🙂