**A very long and personal one**
Dreams and fantasies of the perfect future mate, I like so many have them quite often.
I dream of loving someone who loves my God.
I dream of someone who says “our” God.
I dream of sharing His love and word with him.
I wish for someone who will love me as God loves me… just as I am.
I need someone who will not judge me, for I have enough lions to watch for in snatching my joy and confidence.
I need someone who will not hold my past against me.
If Jesus knows what I have done and forgiven me, who is man to say that I am unclean?
Wouldn’t it be great to marry someone who saw your past as what God intended it be… growing?
Wouldn’t it be great to know that your mate could see the purpose in witnessing from past lives to those are still living them?
Wouldn’t be even better if he could see that the past is just that, and best yet forget about it?
If all men look for women who have not been as active or sinful, how will they ever meet someone who has experienced true salvation?
I have always been told that the younger you are saved, the longer God needed to work on you,
And that the more sinful the past, the more powerful it shows of His blood and love.
Not everyone will be a Mother Mary and worthy of immaculate conception.
Some will be a Mary Magdalene or a Rahab.
But it was Mary Magdalene to whom Jesus appeared first, and she kissed and washed His feet.
Why can’t a man love you for a pure heart?
It is a love for God and desire to witness for Jesus that makes us a child of God, not having a “privilege” to have been raised innocent and free of a life that could have been much more sinful.
If every sin is alike in God’s eye, who is man to judge me or write me off just because he thinks I am not as pure as he would like?
In God’s eyes I am just as pure as the virgin who has escaped reality’s cruelty.
She is no better than I, and I have no need to meet her standards.
My relationship with God is pure… as pure as His Son’s blood… and that makes me white as snow.
Will it take a man like Paul to understand a woman like me?
Are all the Noahs, Moses, and Abrahams gone?
Is there not a man who can love a woman with whom God has had to work great works (I MEAN MIRACULOUS AND BEAUTIFUL THINGS)?
Does he not want to share in the constant witnessing that provides?
Does he not want a woman who understands falling short of perfect, forgiveness of the unforgivable, and the gift of unwarranted love and salvation?
Does he not want to help me be accountable?
I need that so dearly.
I need a man who understands these things… who needs these things.
I am a woman who knows and understands the magnitude of sin, and the power of forgiveness.
I am a woman who seeks to share my God with the world, and try to reach those who are where I have been.
I am stronger on my walk because of the weaknesses I have endured and lived by.
God has made in me what character He wants me to present.
I am a woman who is not afraid to go into the sinner’s house and have dinner.
Yes, I am weary of the roaring lion, but I remember that I was a Saul before I was a Paul.
And if God could save me… He can save anyone.
I will not be ashamed of my past, or who God has made me to be today.
I will instead use my testimony for my Lord, and the great things that He has done for me.
Many say I am too soft-hearted and too forgiving, but that is not true.
I am exactly what God made me to be… forgiving and loving my neighbor.
This could be of great benefit for my husband as well.
After all, he is only human too… even after he is saved and walking with “our” God.
I could loved him just as he is.
God would want me to.
Many men will write me off because I am tainted… far from being a Mother Mary,
But, God, I thank You for sparing me of being trapped in a life with such judgmental men as these.
They are no different or any better than the unsaved men who said they would respect me the morning after.
They are no cleaner in heart than the men who have betrayed my faithful heart with another lover.
They are nothing but a stumbling block to the GREAT faith and love I have in You.
Why would I want to live with a Pharisee?
Why would I condemn myself with hypocrisy?
I want the love that You want to give me.
I want the forgiveness that gives my heart purity through the power of your Blood, that recognizes it’s the heart that You are saving, not my human flesh.
God, You have placed in me the desire to be with man.
While I would like to be the faithful virgin, You have shown me the beauty You have bestowed upon me to know the Godliness in being man’s helper.
It is not good for man or woman to be alone.
I am here to be Your witness and someone’s support.
While I wait for him, I know that he is there.
You are making us both better Christians.
And while I know it’s always possible he has been a Paul, I know that with Your love in his heart, and Your Son’s Blood consuming his soul, he will be a Father Abraham in my heart.
I know that there is a broken man out there somewhere who has been hurt, betrayed, and judged for too long.
He needs me and I need him…
And I know You will bring us together when You feel it is time for us to worship You together.
We will glorify Your name… with our individual walks, and our walk in Holy untiy.
YOU ARE WORTHY, OH LORD, TO RECEIVE SUCH GLORY!
YOU ARE WORTHY!!
Written by Gail Brookshire
Inspiration: God’s unfailing love and unbiased mercy.
What a Man we have in Jesus! ❤
PS… Years ago I was asked to read this for a single’s program. I was so nervous! I prayed and prayed… that I was doing His will… and that He really wanted me to read THIS material. I had complete confidence until I got a few lines into reading and realized I was reading something so personal out loud. I was instantly asking God, “God! What am I doing? Why did I decide to read this OUT LOUD?? Why did I choose THIS??” He instantly assured me of His leading me to do both. I was so afraid it was going to offend someone in some way, especially the men, or be too long, just bad no matter what!
To my surprise, it was received and loved so well. I was asked for several copies (and had to make extras despite having quite a few already). I had notes passed to me of appreciation and testimonies of their own, from the men as well. I was asked to read it in a men’s Sunday School class (which I just passed on copies for them to read). God completely amazed me on how many people said we needed more honest testimonies like that among Christians.
I had several men apologizing to me, saying it convicted their hearts of how judgmental they truly were, and for placing such expectations on women who were just as in need of forgiveness as they are. I will never forget this experience. God humbled me!