Sweet Jesus,
I miss the love we use to have. It brought me so close to you.
Yes, I know I still love you and never stopped.
And I know you know that.
But I also know you understand what I’m talking about.
I wish I could understand these new changes that I’ve went through.
I know they’ve all been meaningful and helped me to learn a lot,
but I often wonder why it was allowed
for our relationship to grow so far apart.
Not really our relationship apart because like I said,
I’ve always loved you.
But what could have possibly been so meaningful
that I needed to walk away from the obedience I tried so hard to get closer to?
I know I never became perfect or anywhere near,
but surely I was doing so much better then than I am now.
As least I walked in the thought of your love
instead of what I thought had come to make me happy.
God, you are what makes me happy.
Ecstatic.
Without you, I am miserable.
I’m nothing.
I can’t stand to be alive without you.

7-7-91 Written by Gail Brookshire
(by the grace of God)